Summer Smile, I’ll Let You Go

You came out of nowhere,
like the first drop of snow in September.
And like the first snow in September, I hated the cold.
I always hated the cold.
But then, you smiled.
And like the first air of summer,
you warmed my world.
And like the first air of summer,
I loved the warmth. I always loved the warmth.

The moment my eyes met that subtle dent in your cheek
at the edge of your summer smile,
I knew I was in trouble.
I knew you were trouble.
We are in trouble.

I tried to control it. Tried to stop it.
But like a raging train on a rusty railway, you hit.
And you hit hard.
So hard in fact, you pulverized my heart.

How come that those eyes of grey and green, like a gem dropped in a wet sand,
that used to gaze at me with overflowing love,
are now glaring with indifference?

How come those words, that used to come out of your sweet lips,
have turned to a complete silence
that stabs me like cold shards of ice?

I knew we don’t have long. I knew that all along.
I knew we’ll be over soon.
But not this soon. Not this way.
I knew at some point I have to let go of you,
but I pictured peace as an ending.
But we waged war.
A war of unbearable pain.

Now that it’s over, I have to stop.
Stop hoping.
Stop dreaming.
Stop loving.

That time has come.
I’ll let you go.

As you fly back to your land of golden tombs,
please take a piece of my broken heart with you.
Mend it together with the broken part of yours.
In that way, we’ll be one.

I hope to the heavens that in this short moment we had,
I made a lifetime of memory in you.
That time has come.

I’ll let you go.
I’ll let you go.

Happiness

I found a secret.

“I cannot find happiness,” most say.

I used to ask the same. But you know what?

All along, they were looking at the wrong direction.

It’s not found on something or someone.

It’s right there. It’s in you. It’s you.

They call it gratefulness.

Once you learn how to use it, you will find what you’re searching for your whole life..

Happiness.

Deep Slumber

Last night I had a dream.

I dreamed I was dying.

In my dream, in order to die, I must fall into a deep sleep. I tried hard, very hard, to fall asleep. When I was about to finally fall asleep, when I started to feel the reality slipping into fantasy, a loud persistent sound brought me back to consciousness.

It was my alarm. I’m awake.

After contemplating for some time, I felt scared. But it wasn’t the dream that scared me. What scared me was the fact that I hated the alarm for interrupting the dream.

And in the dream,

I was happy. Very, happy.

Chasing the Light

It’s sad to think that in this world, you have to be abrasive to get what you want. You have to elbow others aside to get in front. You have to scream to be heard. You have to step in someone’s back to be seen. You have to be bad to get the good. Noise equates to intelligence. Assertiveness to courage.

This life rewards the evil and leaves the meek to rot.

But what about those who choose to be on the lighter side of this dark world? Those who put others first before themselves? People who speak with kindness to get their message across? The ones at the background who do the actual work without getting the credit?

Is there still some good left for the good, or is this world’s so hopelessly corrupted that all that’s left is the filth that the evil ones left behind?

What about us?

Should we succumb to the darkness, or persevere chasing the light?

Maybe the rewards of staying in the light is so massive, so surreal, that it cannot be contained in this lifetime. Perhaps, we’ll reap them not here, not now, not in this finite life, but waiting for us to be cherished for eternity.

Thoughts #3: Note To Self

You keep on building bridges as fast as you burn them. You’re so skillfull on penetrating someone’s walls yet you never let anyone through yours. You are oozing with warmth but turns to bitter cold in a split second. There are seldom moments you seek company yet you all push them away.

You say you don’t need someone but you secretly seek affection. You smile and feign happiness but deep inside you’re broken. You have an intense desire to be alone, but then you honestly are lonely.

A complex mess of irony, that’s what you are.

Thoughts #2: Live.

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What is life, really? Is it supposed to be beautiful and gay, or is it just a string of consistent darkness and hurt?

Is it true that it’s always darkest before the dawn? That there’s always a rainbow after the rain? Is there really light at the end of the tunnel, or is life just a sick cycle of infinity with no way out?

Does living means simply being alive? Are you supposed to absorb everything life throws at you and blindly believe that everything’s gonna be okay? Are we blackholes that eat all stars?

Are we martyrs destined to take the bullets, or dancers that gracefully glide to the music? Are we the sun that’s supposed to patiently hold out its light, or a masterful painting that just fades out it time? Are we lost sheeps meekly searching for meaning, or just brightly lit stars that will inevitably die?